A Review of “My Journey of Decay” by Victoria Libertore

Perfomance Art? I think not.

Victoria Libertore

To call Victoria Libertore a performer would be a gross misjudgment and error in classification. She is more what I might call an emotional conductor moving not an audience, but witnesses, from one powerful vignette to another masterfully giving us a glimpse into what might be a tragic event to some with such loving tenderness or brutal honesty then pulling us back just as we are at the brink of “Oh, this is just too much!”

She shamelessly shows us a glimpse deep into her pain and her mother’s mental illness and then once we are completely involved, maybe painfully involved, she humorously and deftly brings us back into the room to safely with a sigh of relief.

I saw the show almost like a Tai Chi exercise with Vic gracefully moving our emotions like energy this way and that. I felt a sort of shock at then end as the lights went on and had to take a few moments to gather the pieces of my heart and soul up off the floor wishing I could just sit there in silence for a half hour and process the deep feelings I had just had. Wishing my therapist was there to hold my hand through them.

Did I relate to the material?

Oh yes. There were so many parallels…my mouth full of cracked in half teeth I ignore until they abscess because of my neglect due to fear of violation because of abuse and molesting by doctors and dentists; my own 30 year struggle and somewhat failure to “get” meditation and finally only use of it for pain management. Then there is the foods, my love of stinky cheeses and steak tartar which my glamorous but sociopathic Parisian Sommelier father was famous for, the mental illness of both my parents including my depressed alcoholic mother. Finally, there is changing my mother’s diapers when she had cancer and the intimacy of that moment and the one when she took her last breath in my arms.

And then there’s her sexiness.

Who else could pull grapes out of their tits and a peel a banana penis with such dignity? Victoria doesn’t turn you on by what she does so much a who she is in front of you. No safety-pinned-closed curtains here Victoria, we see it all. We witness sensuality on a cellular level through a backward jerk or a sidelong glance or even through stillness that is somehow ripe with tension ready to climax. I did not have expectations of this show because I though I do know Victoria personally, I had only seen her perform briefly as a hag tour guide at Angels & Accordions in Greenwood cemetery and through the day every time I saw her I could never bring myself to feel I knew her. I was afraid of her because her character was so intact. I have been around actors, singers and performers all my life so I don’t see myself as a naive fan when I say this woman has extraordinary talent. My only regret is that I waited to se the show until Sunday. Had I gone Friday, I would have been able to see it two more times.

Spontaneous Healing

Do you ever feel like you run from healer to therapist to doctor to psychic trying to find answers and hoping for miracles? I have found many guides in my healing journey of severe autoimmune deficiency and learned a lot. One thing that has been important to me is that permanent healing must occur on physical, emotional and spiritual levels.

A doctor can treat a symptom, therapists help us process, 12 step programs help us get connected to God. Some healers can remove illness completely.

No single person no matter how talented can heal the cause that starts somewhere in my soul and the only physician that heals at that level is my higher power. That does not mean I don’t treat on the other levels but I do it from a perspective that everything I do is simply to return me to a state of wholeness so my body can heal itself spontaneously

“The healer does not “do” or “give” something to the healee; instead he helps him come home to the All, to the One, to the way of “unity” with the universe, and in this “meeting” the healee becomes complete and this in itself is healing”
Lawrence H. LeShan Ph.D

Our Attitude has a Role in Spontaneous Healing

There are basically two metaphysical thoughts behind spontaneous healing. The first is that each individual has the ability to muster psychological principles, such as courage, faith, hope, prayer, optimism, etc., that seem to play a role in the spontaneous recovery of some cases.

The second thought is where the individual simply seems to surrender and plays no role in the healing process at all. Surprisingly, when the individual just gives up, resigns himself, and lets fate take its course, a mental shift occurs that allows the healing process to work. For unknown reasons the immune system “kicks in” and the patient’s health improves. Research shows attitudes have more effects on healing than medicines.

In reality, the second thought is much like the first in that “surrender to a higher power” implies trust in the same psychological principles discussed in the first school of thought. Simply put, the second cases reflect the Grace of God within us as the true healer.

Physical Healing

If one cuts a finger, there is an intelligence built into the cells of the body that causes the blood to form a clot and to begin mending the skin and other tissues. This type of physical healing is referred to as one of the lowest forms of spontaneous healing since humans do not play a role in this process. In fact, all life forms have the ability to heal or repair themselves to some extent.

Many believe that the power to heal is within every person and that the body will heal itself if the illness is brought to a level where the immune system can take over the healing.

There are physical activities that we can do to aid the natural healing process. They include:
• healing nutrition, natural supplements, sufficient sleep and hydration
• avoiding various emotional and environmental toxins
• mindfulness practices, stress reduction, exercise and meditation
• nurturing physical contact

We can participate in the healing process by doing certain things but this physical participation has very great spiritual significance in terms of willingness to heal.

Psychological Healing

Techniques such as therapy, hypnosis, placebo, biofeedbacks, meditation, visualization and faith healing prove the power within the mind affects the healing process. Research has shown the power of hypnosis in removing warts and placebos have been used to cure all types of illnesses.

It is known that if the mind embraces certain principles such as faith, hope, belief, and prayer that the mind will aid in this spontaneous healing process, no matter how hopeless the situation may look from a physical standpoint.

Expressing feelings and reducing emotional stress is a critical component of healing. It is repressed emotions that actually cause much of our illness. Support groups and families of origin or of our own creation are essential to emotional healing and well-being. Research further shows social interaction as a healing nutrient and having supportive relationships builds our immune system.

Spiritual Healing

Spiritual healing is the healing of the soul, which no doctor or medicine can heal. It comes from faith. We can open our minds to faith through developing a conscious contact with a higher power and exposing ourselves to miracles and possibilities. By keeping people of faith around us and reading about miracles to give us hope.

If you’re into the Bible, it does say “…thy faith hath made thee whole.”

Article based on the work of Dr. Lee E. Warren, B.A., D.D. See http://www.plim.org

References

Dossey, Larry, M.D., Meaning & Medicine
LeShan, Lawrence H., Ph.D., The Medium, the Mystics and the Physicist
Metzner, Ralph, Ph.D., Opening to Inner Light
Samuels, Mike, M.D., and Samuels, Nancy, Seeing with the Mind‘s Eye
Siegel, Bernie, M.D., Love, Medicine and Miracles
Rachel Naomi Nemen, M.D., Bill Moyers, Healing and the Mind
Weil, Andrew M.D., Spontaneous Healing

Just Say NO to Meds

People ask me about taking medications and I tell them my story.

I took many of the meds on the market and saw some of the top shrinks in NYC for 15 years from the age of 35 to 50. I self-medicated for the first 25 years of my life and did a better job then they did.

I gained 100 lbs and lost my libido and still had chronic suicidal depression. It was my last shrinks’s opinion that if I was not suicidal, I was doing OK. I did not know what was me and what was a side effect. When I was diagnosed with ADD and added those meds, I went up to 13 pills in my cocktail for menopause, depression, anxiety, cholesterol and thyroid.

One day I got a migraine from insomnia and preservatives. My family doctor for some ungodly reason gave me a flu shot, my shrink added Ambien and my gynecologist gave me  progesterone boost for hot flashes. I had some weird reaction that nearly killed me and was so sick I could not move for 4 days.

I made a decision that Western medicine and medication was not for me. I spent 6 months recovering and getting off meds and began to work with a medical intuitive nutritionist. A year later I did not recognize myself. I lost 75 lbs, my ADD was nearly non-existent, my depression had been sorted out into more manageable diagnoses like autoimmune deficiency, some Asperger’s Syndrome, severe Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and being a Highly Sensitive Person.

Today, instead of the identified patient in my family, I am the healthy, sane, calm one. I still have tons of issues, some health related, many of them spiritual and social, but I can work on these. Once in a while I take an aspirin, but not often, because I do a lot of stress management. When I was depressed, I could not take the care of myself. I do today. It is not easy so I go to a lot of 12-step programs and get a lot of support. So I’m definitely anti-meds not just because they just didn’t work for me but also because they nearly killed me. They can cover symptoms which are the intuitive messages my body wants me to hear and taking medications do not allow me to find the cause. If I treat a symptom, not the cause, eventually the casue will show up as some other symptom.

This is from my post on psychforums.com at http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=16417&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=10

Jesus’ Miracle Mole Cure

I recently noticed a mole on my arm that was spreading and had become a mottled black mark. It looked like a laundry marker had bled into my skin. I googled skin cancer images and saw melanomas matching my mole.

I nearly died two years ago from a mixture of medications and medical care and decided I would never go to a doctor so I began to lay hands on myself in the name of Jesus, the best healer I know. The mole began to lighten and turn brown, returning to normal. After a week or so, the mole itself disappeared.

Maslow’s Heirarchy Upside Down

When I learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in junior college 20 years ago, I thought that all I needed to do was meet the top need for Self-actualization and all the rest would fall into place. I cared little what went into my body but what came out but my mind was a different matter. I saw Self-actualization and the gaining of knowledge as the only valuable goals in life. Until I got sick and nearly died.

I didn’t realize that the food that nourished my body fed my mind until I researched the effect of food on Attention Deficit Disorder. Then I paid attention. In the last 8 months of recovering from a nearly fatal auto-immune deficiency I  learned to pay attention to the foundation first.

I recently saw the image of the triangle and saw a word I never saw before in the bottom level. Homeostasis. I looked it up and it has to do with maintaining internal regulation for stability, balance and equilibrium. It makes me think of consistency and this is something I have never had or valued as a spontaneous person who is an ENTP (My Meyer’s Briggs Type).

For me, consistency comes from a regular spiritual practice that includes prayer and meditation as well as writing to get my feelings out.

After 25 years of trying to meditate, I only recently began to have success and see how much more calm I am. The committee in my head is quieter, I worry less, I breath easier. I have always known the benefits of meditation but I have never though of it as necessary to survival but for me, it is. I can’t live with the ups and downs of life without it. I’m way too emotional.And when I get unbalanced, I fall like a house of cards. I don’t eat well, sleep well or think well. And before you know it I want too swallow a bullet. It is that dramatic for me.

Just think, 20 years ago I sat in a classroom and learned about my needs and now at 52, I’m just beginning to pay attention to them.

The Saints (or Angels) Come Marching In

I want to share a miracle.

Two years ago I had heard my friend Michele was dying in a hospice with days to live. I was grieving several losses already, including the death of my sister-in-law, at the time and could not handle going to see her. I assumed she was dead so she shocked me when she walked into my home for an open house.

Michele is a Minister, psychic, and healer. To me she is a spiritual giant. She told me how God told her it was not her time to go so she called on her knowledge of healing and taught the nurses to do Reiki on her and made the Doctors use affirmations in the operating room. She had gone into remission and got better.

At the time of the open house I was deep in debt, very sick, discouraged and suicidal at the time after many doctors and shrinks could not help me or even identify my illness. Michele said she was too sick to minister to me because she was still ill but she did anyway. She was tough but loving when she said that if I really wanted to get well, I would manifest the right help and the means to pay for it. Like her, I made the decision to fight for my life and within weeks the help did indeed come and I began the long journey to healing.

But that’s not the miracle I want to tell about.

It happened a few weeks ago at a another party. This time on a houseboat party in Sheepshead Bay. I was sitting on the forward deck when Michele showed up and was lifted aboard because she was too weak to step up the 10” to the boat deck. Her cancer was very bad and she’s was doing kemo again but it was only making her sicker. She looked and sounded terrible and went to the back of the tiny houseboat where there was a bed and a breeze. She laid down and just wimpered because of the pain in her liver.

People squeezed past the bed on the way up to the rear upper deck where the party was avoiding looking at her. Not exactly a festive scene for a party.

I had the idea that being single, she probably never has someone to hold her so I just laid down next to her and spooned with her, caressing her and telling her it was OK to cry, which she did. I did some Reiki on her and asked my wife to help. I began to pray out loud and call in the healing power of God, Jesus and the Spirits. Michele loves Angels and she asked me to call in Archangels Rafael the Healer and Gabriel the Strength of God so I did. I called them in loudly.

Now here’s the miracle. Get ready.

Less than a minute later, one of the arriving guests, a woman, entered the bedroom. Unlike the other guests, she was unmoved by Michele’s crying. She stabbed her arm into the air like a sword and announced loudly, “Hi, I’m Rafael the Angel and Healer.” The three of us turned in shock and told her we had just called in the Archangels Rafael and Gabriel. She kept on walking by, sword raised, and said, “Oh, Gabrielle is right behind me.” The next guest filed past with similar enthusiasm shouting, “Hi, I’m Gabriel.”

Magic and miracles have always surrounded Michele and I when we were together but all three of our jaws dropped as the women climbed the ladder to the party with not another word.

Within minutes Michele sat up and began to sing a praise song she had written and soon was able to drink and gobble down a huge hamburger after 3 days without eating and seemed to be feeling great. I would like to think my Reiki skills are this good but I think it was those two Angels who did it and a little love from her friends.

I began to think someone, at least an Angel or two, was really listening when I prayed and started looking for the signs. A week later a woman at church started to talk to me unprompted and “out of the blue” about how she used Archangels Rafael and Gabriel for her healing work. The next day my wife and I drove to Boston and on the way we saw a worn sign for the Seven Angels Center. Rafael and Gabriel are two of the seven main Archangels. My wife had driven the route for 45 years and never seen the sign.

Though I have known her for 20 years, in the last two years Michele has become my best friend, mentor and spiritual guide, and an inspiration. I have always credited her with saving my life two years ago. Over these years, she helped me believe that I am psychic, not psychotic, when I see visions and hear voices.

This week she went into Hospice and I did not worry about losing her again as I sat on her bed today singing to her harmonium and a friend’s sitar. She’s walked out of a Hospice before and she may again. And if she doesn’t, somehow I have the confidence that she will reach me from the other side because now I know that there is someone out there. And I know they are listening. I’ll see Michele again.

NeoNeuro, A New Order

If there is a fine line between genius and insanity, I suspect the location of the line is dependent on where you view it from. Recently I saw that fine line from the wrong side when I got the results of four weeks of neuropsych testing and was told informally that I had a thought disorder like schizophrenia as well as a somatization disorder.

Only the week before I was on the genius side of the line. I had the extreme pleasure of spending a week with about 30 doctors, nurses, therapists and healers studying the brain and learning medical intuition. It was led by the brilliant and hysterically funny Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz, a prominent neuropsychiatrist and medical intuitive that hangs around with people like Christiane Northrup and Carolyn Myss and can be heard on HayHouse Radio.

In the class I felt very knowledgeable and talented though I have little education compared to my classmates. I was ably to have healthy social interactions and make some great new friends. One of my readings was brilliant and I thought I might have a promising career as a medical intuitive. I came home on top of the world.

Then the next week the world fell on top of me when I went for the test results and I crossed the fine line from genius over to insanity. After schizophrenia, the doctor added on PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and Bi-Polar which I knew about. I was just getting used to being asperger-ish and ADD-ish and feeling good about my neurodiversity and this sent me into the despair of feeling crazy, a place I’ve spent a lot of time in.

The doctor also said that though my intelligence was exceptionally high in the 95-99% range, my processing speed was very low in the 3% range in some cases. I’ve always said I was an amazingly smart person who did incredibly dumb things. I understand quantum physics but have problems with simple stuff like using a blender and following directions.

All I heard was I’m a retarded schizophrenic and my physical illness is all in my head.

I think I was especially upset because as a child I did seances and my friends said I was crazy when they worked. In my mid-20s my parents tried to put me in Florida State Hospital, a horrible coo-coo’s nest. I talked my way out and into therapy. Over the course of 30 years of treatment for severe depression hospitalization has often been recommended and even shock treatment was suggested at one time. I did neither because I don’t trust doctors have a deep fear of being constrained and many visits to friends in locked wards have been enough to keep me out of them on sheer will alone. Today I take none of the 12 medications I once needed to survive.

So I processed this info over the week by getting depressed and frightened first but then angry. I asked all my support people and my therapist if they honestly felt I was schizophrenic and though I have had and do have many problems, this does not seem like one of them. I met with my Woo Woo Sisterhood, a group of powerful female ministers with psychic gifts and they did Renegade Reiki and covered me with Mermaid Armor. I went to 12-Step meetings and shared about it. And shared about it some more.

I read the subtext of thought disorder and actually liked some of the characteristics described that can often be misdiagnosed Aspergers’ Syndrome like the use of Neologisms, making up words. So I made up two new words…BenePsychotic, beneficial psychosis, and NeoNeuro, a new higher brain order.

I designed a logo and an affirming t-shirt for myself, as this is how I channel my anger, with creativity and humor. I watched the Hans Christian Anderson’s story about the Ugly Duckling who was really a beautiful swan and spent time with other swans, gifted people and those with psychic gifts and dubious psychiatric diagnoses.

I did research to get other opinions on where this fine line of sanity lies. I felt really uplifted when I saw my thoughts were in line with Dr. Mona Lisa as shown in her book Awakening Intuition:

“Through Disorder into Order – Some people have brains that are organized differently or function differently from the general population. Usually these people are said to have a brain disorder which is a slightly different word for “disease”. Very often they also have unusual gifts of intuition. In that light, the choice of “disorder” is interesting. You could say that disorder is what intuition creates. Intuition doesn’t adhere to protocol or practice restraint… The disorder it creates is unsettling. But by working through disorder, we can often achieve a new, possibly better order.“

Prof Michael Fitzgerald, a psychiatrist and expert in Asperger’s Syndrome (which I more likely have some of) which affects social relationships but not intellect, claims that people with Asperger’s can have exceptional artistic creativity and genius. Genius cannot exist without mental disorder, according to his study that names George Orwell, LS Lowry and Lewis Carroll among 21 artists who suffered this form of autism.

The most imaginative minds in history claim to prove the link between madness and greatness. Einstein, Beethoven, Mozart, Hans Christian Andersen and Immanuel Kant are among them.

Being crazy is a huge fear for me. My deepest. I’ve been having visions and hearing voices for a while but I know better than to tell a shrink from now on. I’ll tell my psychic friends and my therapist who is intuitive.

A long week later I got the official written report in the mail which not only did NOT say I was schizoid but in fact said there was “no sign of any formal thought disorder.” I spent a week of hell felling like I was “crazy” for nothing. She was mistaken or my processing issues are worse than we thought and I heard wrong. And now she’s on maternity leave for months so I can’t find out.

Either way, I learned a lot about myself and got to work on a very old issue and got a great t-shirt out of it. As long as I spend time with swans, I’ll stay on the right side of that fine line.

Ultimately, I have to trust myself, my family, friends and therapist. All of them see me as gifted not gelded. It is important that I use these diagnoses to create strategies for health and not see them as labels that disable.

Celebrate Neurodiversity

Get Neo-Neural t-shirts and gifts now at SpiritualiTees.net

Was Jesus a psychic?

I recently did a reading with Psychic Su Walker and read the Andre Chronicles about a man who can do psychokinesis (moving objects with his mind), telekinesis (reading minds), and energy projection. He can heal people or knock them down, he can create an image in a persons mind by touching them that is so convincing, they have a spiritual experience. He sometimes feels very lonely and different.

I was so moved by this thought: If Andre lived 2000 years ago, or even 1000, he would either be deemed the messiah or burned as a witch. Most likely both. I have had mixed feelings about my psychic gifts and share them here.

Andre has many of the same gifts Jesus had. He can tell the future, read minds, heal by touch, destroy without touch and create illusions in the minds of others. Sri Sathya Sai Baba in India supposedly can materialize gifts and food so these “miracles” are not exclusive to Jesus or that time period.

Some of the unauthorized gospels like that of Barnabus indicate very clearly Jesus just wanted to get his message out but people would not listen unless he did miracles. Even then, he asked people not to tell anyone, which of course they did. He lived in a time where people expected miracles from divine beings and prophets or they did not listen to them.

Today such public miracles would attract a swarm of investigations and endless attempts to discredit them and the doer of such miracles. I can see why there are few “famous” psychics yet so many gifted people exist and are used by police departments all over the world.

As for my own abilities…

When I was 8 John F. Kennedy was killed on my eighth birthday and I held a séance in my back yard (an odd idea for an eight year old). The moon was full and the wind blew the leaves and the letters JFK appeared clearly in my hands. My friends screamed and ran away. I have never forgotten that reaction and for many years had few friends. I had a gift then but I called it a curse and did all I could to quiet it. Many psychics say all kids have a natural gift which will whither if discouraged but flourish if cherished. Mine withered and when it did show up as empathic feelings, nocturnal visions and hearing people call my name when alone, I thought I was psychotic and kept it to myself. I developed a fear being locked up.

Two years ago I nearly died from a combination of 12 medications and I began to search out alternative healers and do psychic readings and my fears began to dissipate as I learned about psychic abilities. Last year I got trained in Reiki by a Psychic Healer but even before I began training I found I had a gift removing small growths and pain by touching, curing myself of viruses and cancerous moles. I immediately had past life flashbacks of being burned at the stake, crucified and hung because of my healing gifts. Once stigmata from these past lives appeared on my arms and I got discouraged again.

I would watch the tabloids and see what they do to innocent people and decided to discontinue my training as a healer fearing a modern day tabloid crucifixion.

During our training sessions things in the room moved around. Small teddy bears set next to each other on a pillow would be hugging when we took a break later. The first time I laid hands on someone for healing I did it with two other healers and one began talking in tongues and felt I was the conduit. This had only happened to her once at Stonehenge.

I also have a lot of psycho kinetic energy that caused a lot of problems until I learned to ground and use crystals. If I get upset, all the computers, printers and cell phones start to act up, crash, lose connections, etc. I can drain a fresh cell phone battery in 20 minutes when I’m pissed and we spend a fortune on light bulbs.

I related to Andre’s feelings of being “different.” I have nowhere near his gifts yet I feel I spend my life dumbing down, as my gifted friends call it, so I can live in a muggle (non-magical in Harry Potter’s world) world and not freak people out with my stories of miracle healings, stigmattas, voices and visions. It is only in the last year that I have begun to develop more psychic connections with people who are more like me.

One of the greatest gifts of technology is that someone like me, can sit at a computer and find blogs and forums where we can communicate with other people and maybe help each other turn a curse into a gift.

Read about Andre http://www.suwalker.com/learntelekinesis.html

The Trusth About Eating and Water

With serious health issues I worry about the things I do every day almost without thinking, like drinking water. Water is the source of life and you might as well learn about it. Here is some valuable info.

1. To avoid the dilution of your food, enzymes, and acids with very watery (or worse, carbonated) drinks, please refrain from drinking such liquids within 2 hours after a meal (and 15-30 minutes before the meal). If you happen to be very thirsty around mealtime, you can drink water 5-10 minutes before you eat. Animals in Nature almost never eat and drink at the same time (they definitely don’t do a bit of each interchangeably as humans do). Eating foods that are not excessively salty or spicy, fried, processed, refined or highly heated (in other words, eating mostly wholesome foods) will dramatically reduce the urge to drink during the meal.

2. Nature almost always provides us with average-temperature water, especially in the tropics and subtropics (the cradle of human civilization). Unlike the resilient external skin that contain protective dead layer of cells, our internal mucous membranes (in the mouth, esophagus, and stomach), contain exposed, unprotected living cells, which are unprepared for significant stress. Since water has very high “specific heat” (it requires a lot of energy to increase or decrease its temperature), extreme temperatures of ingested liquids are very stressful for our cell membranes as a result of significant energy exchange, leading to direct damage, abnormal changes in cellular fluid volume, and destruction (or temporary damage) to functional cells lining the mucous membranes. These functional cells produce enzymes, acids, lubricants, and hormonal secretions that are crucial for our digestive function.

How an ENTP Agnostic sees God

The word Hallelujah rolls around my mouth like sweet honey. Jesus crosses my lips like a lover’s kiss. The Holy Spirit takes me and washes the pain from my soul like spring rain. I weep when I sing Kumbayah as “Hear me praying Lord, come by here”.

Are these the feelings of an agnostic? Why not? Can’t I have these spirit-filled experiences and not know the meaning or the source? Can I live in uncertainty and unknowingness and still have faith and feel God?

These are questions that rattle me sometimes. When I claimed Agnosticism for my belief I felt a huge relief. I have spent a few years making the rounds of churches from new thought to Pentecostal never feeling like I fit anywhere. I love being “in the spirit” at charismatic churches. I am so moved by their faith, conviction, and outright certainty of the existence of God. I just don’t agree with their theology.

I feel more at home with the teachings of New Thought, but I still feel polemic, argumentative. Is there one God? Is he/she/it omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient? I cannot seem to reconcile the problems of this world with a God that is good all the time because frankly, he is not. I sometimes think God set the Earth in motion creating it pretty much perfect with a few flaws, particularly in the area of human beings, then took off for another universe.

Other times think the world exists like the movie The Matrix, a hologram, generated by our minds but we are Mr. Smith, the enemy within, and it is run by prankster.

All this may be true or none of it but I love not knowing or having to figure it out. In typology the P of the ENTP is a perceiver, needing to organize life with open doors and endless options. NTs are explorers, inventors, visionaries. You have to stay open for thes gifts.

Hanging around churches one might think it odd that I seem to have a lack of faith but in fact, I have plenty. If you define it as Google does: “a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny” I believe strongly in the supernatural: psychic abilities, mystical experiences, visions, spirits, etc. I just can’t be definite about the meaning of it or the source or if this is God. I just don’t know anything.

I think this is a good place to be. Firmly planted in unknowingness.